The Phantom of Facebook…

March 25, 2014     scarlettfinn     Uncategorized

I’m having issues with Facebook. I try not to get myself stressed out about these things, and I’m not insane enough to rabbit about it here when I’ll probably be sued by the Machine but suffice to say I’m having issues.

Remember the good old days when the Man ruled the world and not the Machine? No? Right, well, yeah ’cause that all happened last millennium. This is me stating upfront that I love technology. I love it. I do. As a writer I’ve been eternally attached to notebooks, PC’s, and laptops, I’ve had them all, and each progression brings more freedom. I love it. Some people say that we have too close a relationship with technology and I can see where they’re coming from. I don’t believe that means we should shun it, oh no, not at all. But when I start looking up listings for new laptops while I’m on my old laptop I can mentally feel Val my Viao raising an eyebrow. That’s not cheating. “I’m not being unfaithful I swear it! I’m only looking. I’m not touching, that doesn’t count… right?” Maybe I’ve taken that too far.

Back to my original point, I don’t think we’re too close to our technology I think we’re too used to it. This is where we get to my grievance. People don’t know how to survive without it. We’re not just talking about your early adopters here. I don’t mean the folks I used to see on the bus with those funny white earphones in. The ones everyone had that I realised must all have come from the same place but it was another three months before I heard the word iPod. Yes folks, it might have been ten years ago now but I’m that old. We hadn’t seen anything like it since Sony had it’s Walkman, and I’m talking cassettes… mine is still kicking around up the loft somewhere. Not doing much for my street cred here am I?

But again, I’ve digressed. When I say too close what I mean is that there are no contingencies for when things go wrong. So many things are automated that common sense has gone out the window. I’ve had every generation of iPod – no problems. I’ve had various iPhones – no problems. I’ve had various Viao’s too, and they’re all fine. This house has computers, and consoles, and tablets enough to make my own technology deprived former-child weep. Yet Facebook is broken.

Well it’s not broken it just (to coin a phrase)… says no. It’s odd when you’re dealing with something intangible like that. You have a problem with your bank you go there, discuss it with a person, and come to a resolution. You have a faulty product, you take it back, same thing. But when you’re dealing with the immaterial, and the automated, there’s no common sense.

“You don’t want me to do that?” says I. “You have a problem? Fine, no worries. I’ll stop.”

“All decisions are final.”

“Yes, I understand that. I’m not disagreeing with your decision, in fact  I agree. Just let me past and I’ll–‘

“No.”

“But–”

“No.”

This obviously wasn’t a real conversation. There is no conversation. THere’s no one to talk to. Facebook have no mechanism for contacting an actual person. Even when you get through to “file a report” it has the cheek to state they don’t get back to all messages. “Oh right then,” says I. “So I’ve just wasting my time answering a dozen questions for you to say in not so many words that you don’t care and you’re just going to ignore be because what? You’re in a huff…? Can I introduce you to my Vaio?”

So in closing (I hear your sigh of relief) I love technology. I do. But isn’t this big W-W-W supposed to connect us to each other? Isn’t Facebook worth billions? So why when I have an issue and I’m all hooked up can’t I find a real person? I know these companies don’t pay their tax but are they falling behind on their phone bills too? Better hook them up with the food bank before it’s too late.

I’m being facetious of course, and I love technology. I love Facebook too and by tomorrow this will all be forgotten (I hope). But in case you hadn’t guessed it… I’m having issues with Facebook.